jello_pudding

I’ve got a special wonton soup for you


jello_pudding

Bill freaking Cosby..wow. Like who would have thunk it? I defended him, mocked Angie Dickinson for her story and was totally convinced this was some plot to discredit the positive black man. First I’d like to take back everything I said about Angie. It was mean and insensitive. Being a sex assault victim myself, I should have never even gone there. No one probably read it and no one cares, but I want to take it back because I don’t want that out there in the universe. You’re probably wondering what changed my mind. Well, it was Beverly Johnson. This is someone I have met a long time ago. People change, but I think I know her personality and she would not put herself out there if it wasn’t true. On the surface it may seem like a racial thing for me not to have accepted this until now. I did really ask myself that but no, that’s all there is to it. I feel convinced he’s an habitual rapist because this is someone I feel would not lie.

The bad thing about rape is, the victim is always made to have to bear the burden of proof amidst immediate skepticism. There’s shame, fear, vulnerability and a host of emotions one has to overcome to speak out on these heinous life altering attacks. It is as much mental as it is physical, with scars that run deep and remain hidden for a lifetime.

There’s a part of this story that bears discussion. A lot of people don’t understand the impact this has on a lot of people in the black community. This guy single-handedly changed the image of the black family for an America that could not accept the holistically positive aspect of black family life. He was also one of the pioneers in tv of the cool contemporary black male. Yes, it’s TV but it had major social significance to the black community. So there’s a sense of disbelief and a sense of loss for at least 2 generations.

I’ve been wondering why there is such a disparity from the image of him that myself and many others held, and what is turning out to be a dark reality. On the surface one can say that it is the published media image that has been created for him that is totally inaccurate, but when you zoom out and look at the broader picture, there is something very significant happening to our society.
Up until very recently the media factions, tv, movies, and news, owned the control of information. This information is carefully processed by producers, media consultants, editors and so on. When the information becomes damaging, they protect their own interests. If the content is too controversial, it is pasteurized. But now, all of that goes out the window. With the increase of access to the internet, everyday people have ways of communicating unfiltered to the whole world. What we are seeing today is the result of that change. It has affected every aspect of our culture and media communication.
This is not something that has gone unnoticed. People of influence and power want to retain that status so they are trying to get in front of it, infiltrating your social media activities, trying to penetrate all levels of communication that are available. Gathering detailed information about each of us to find a way to manipulate your behavior. Just look at Facebook. Why do they need to know the things they want to? It’s not because it impedes you from using the product. It’s to build a portfolio of you and identify the things that are most likely to influence your behavior. Every time you hit that like button, you fine tune that portfolio. This is the golden egg that the people who want to maintain control want to get their hands on.

I know I drifted off from Bill Cosby, but it helps to see the whole picture to understand the dynamics of whats at play here. In a way, the crumbling of Bill Cosby can be seen as iconic in the way our society continues to evolve.

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The Boom


I miss this big head sucker.

I remember the day I got him. I had been thinking about getting a dog since I moved here. I love them. I hadn’t had a dog since back in the 80’s. My ex, who lives in Cali, was concerned that I’d be lonely when she wasn’t around,.haha, not realizing I’m quite comfortable being alone, but I gave in and decided to go for it.

I first thought of getting a puppy. As I started doing research, I kept coming across stories of puppy mills and the abuse they go through. There were a few pet shops near me that had at least one really bad review. So that was out. I decided to go for a rescue dog. While this is something that’s touted as being more humane, it’s risky. You are selecting among dogs that you have no clue as to their history. Yes some agencies try to provide that info but you’re relying on the previous owner being fully forthcoming.

Dogs are like people. They suffer from mental trauma when abused or afraid. When you get a rescue dog, it may not immediately warm up to you. This is something you need to be patient with.

I looked up the local shelters and found one just a few miles from me. When I go there, I was able to view the dogs in their cages and almost all of them were pit bulls.  This is the video of that visit. I had no intention of getting a pit bull due to their bad reputation. That was soon to change.

Boomer is the first dog in the video. If you notice, he didn’t have a name. I will explain that name later.

The shelter has a walk around area where you can take the dog and get used to him. I first selected this black lab. He’d been there for a few months but was a beautiful dog. When I took him for a walk, the first thing he did was piss on my foot. so he went back. I walked around the cages one more time and saw Boomer. He was a handsome dog but you could tell he was miserable. I took him out for a walk and the first thing I realized was how strong he was. He was eager to walk and led me around for a bit. I didn’t want to set him off and was a bit nervous because the attendant had no clue as to his temperament. I let him roam first then I would stop and see his reaction. I told him to sit, which he did easily. I didn’t risk petting him until we got to know each other more. I decided, hell, go for it.

The front desk area was fairly small with a desk counter and a small standing area. As I was checking him out, the attendant said to be careful with children because he wasn’t sure how he’d behave. I wasn’t concerned because there are no kids here, but at that very moment, the door opened and a little boy walked in with his mom and sister and went straight towards him to pet him. Mind you, this dog was very strong and they had a shitty leash on him. All I could envision was chaos, blood and gnashing of teeth. His mother grabbed him but not before he’d reached out. Boomer just sat there uninterested. I was relieved but my heart almost stopped. I thought to myself, this might be a bad move but proceeded to leave with him.

When we got to my SUV, I was concerned because I had no clue how he’d react to being in a strange vehicle. I opened the back side door and he jumped right in and sat down. He was sitting right behind me on the passenger side as I started driving looking out the window. He moved to the center of the seat as we hit the highway and his head was right next to me in the gap between the seats. I was extremely nervous  All I kept thinking was, if he decides to maul me, i’m done.

He smelled terrible. My first stop was the drug store to get some doggy shampoo, another leash and some food and treats. When I got home, he was hesitant about getting out of the car. Eventually I coaxed him in. He was extremely nervous and starting shaking, so I got down on the floor and sat with him and consoled him.

Ok, so how he got his name..

After feeding him that first day, he came into my office and lay at my feet. I had an old sweater that i had around so i tossed it on the floor for him to sleep on. He took that sucker an arranged it to his liking and was set. He passed out. I sat there at my pc taking in the enormity of what I’d just done and suddenly this overpowering odor took me by siege. I was like what the holy fuck..is that you?? He’d farted. It was concentrated and lethal. I had to evacuate immediatley I waited a few minutes then came back armed with Febreeze. I was talking to my ex on the phone and I said, he lowered the boom. That’s when I decided to call him Boomer. He took to the name almost immediately. The next day I had him out back, I took a chance and let him off the leash. He immediately took off, running like a freed slave. He was in ecstasy. It was that moment that I realized that I’d done the right thing.  He ran up towards my driveway and I thought he’d run away. I called him by his new name and this was the result.

It’s taking me over…


This is a re-mix of a song I wrote sometime ago. It’s one of my first vocals. I was a little gun shy when I first recorded it. This is a more relaxed and exploratory version. I made it a little uptempo and threw in some keyboard to lighten it up.

It’s a song about being in love with someone that doesn’t seem to care but being totally captivated by your feelings for them..the struggle to either be loved in return or to walk away..

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Too legit to quit


I took the plunge and decided to register my domain and upgrade my site. It’s been long overdue.

I have another domain, thpmusic.me, that I am using but it’s about to expire. I’m wondering if I should keep it..

Anywho..I get to post stuff here I couldn’t before so this will be a trial. I want to consolidate my internet presence with a hub that is easy to access and update. I like the SoundClound integration already available so I’m leaning towards hosting everything here. PLUS, I get more views here than with the other site.. Any ideas??

“I like the way you make me feel (drift)”

The Persistence of Memory - Salvador Dali

The Persistence of Memory


This past Friday, I attended a gathering of my high school friends in NYC. They aren’t just “friends” in the literal sense. Our relationships go way deeper than that. It’s to a point of undescription.(yeah I made that up). With them it’s not about doing things together..it’s all about being in the same space and basking in an energy that recharges the soul.

As the night progressed, the year books came out. Typically, this is the stage where we each share tidbits about our classmates, giving updates on their last known whereabouts and rehashing embarrassing moments…then someone had brought a yearbook of the class that graduated a year ahead of us.  I will preface this story with the fact that I talked to a lot of my upperclassmen from practically day one, so there was a lot of history there. I was not prepared for how much. Each turn of the page was as if vast forgotten swaths of my consciousness were being revealed to me. How could this be? How could I have forgotten so many that were so dear, so profound, so much a part of who I am? For a moment I felt displaced..out of body, then profoundly sad. How did I let this happen? I felt like I was reliving transplanted memories of someone else, someone that used to exist across a great empty chasm of time. A pause and then a realization that this very moment, that very feeling, was why it was necessary to be there, to take it all in, hold that moment in my heart and never let go.